epub3, not even yet out of the crib, was embraced, extended, and extinguished yesterday by apple. the infant was rushed to a hospital, where its internals are being analyzed by doctors, who profess little hope that the baby can live a "standard" life again. as one doctor put it, "there's too much stuff inside of her that is just completely broken." "even if the kid does survive," said another, who asked not to be identified because he would like to keep working in the industry, "she will be crippled for the rest of her life, just like her older brother, epub2, has been". epub2 has been retarded for his whole life, plus there is widespread speculation that he is being abused by his legal guardian, adobe, possibly causing his erratic public behavior. epub1, the first child in the epub (originally given a different name), also suffered from a sudden-infant-death-syndrome incident, but microsoft was responsible for that crib-death. in a pattern that has repeated itself since then, microsoft was widely condemned for the action, but authorities chose not to prosecute, noting "the company met its fiduciary responsibilities". so, as did adobe, apple is expected to go free. the i.d.p.f. family tried to put on a cheery face, saying that "epub4 is already a bun in the oven!" in lieu of sympathy flowers, the family suggests sending a donation to your favorite big6 house. -bowerbird